I almost do.

So. Hello. Hi.

One year has passed and idk why but suddenly i got the urge to write something here, to pour my feelings out here. I really really like to write a poem, make a quote or tell a tale whenever i feel gloomy *which i havent been in a year or more and hence my blog is a dead blog because i dont know what to write*

Many things have happened in this one year. well the big ones happened in these past months though...

First, after i finished my senior high school study, idk where should i continue my study. The options were endless at that time. Taiwan, Singapore, Malaysia, Jakarta. Either hospitality or business though. I really have no passions in another major like medical or engineering bcs just thinking of how hard the process is makes me sick. I really didnt want to stay in this small city anymore bcs jsyk, this place sucks too. But what can i say, my dad prohibited me from studying overseas and finally i got accepted and even received a partial scholarship majoring in management from a great university in Medan. and i got a job too. and after that i think my life will be so easy, amazing, wonderful.
But what?
Another big thing happened.
I got accepted in medical department at the best university in Medan. MEDICAL. okay.
I never really wanted to be a doctor. I just followed my parents' suggestion. I just want to make them happy. I really want to make them proud.
So, i am a medical student now. which i have never ever thought planned and imagined before.
It just happened like that.
Okay first milestone in my life.

Second, disappointment, lost, heartbreak. It's complicated. It's like when you grow up, you finally realize that things change, feelings change, people including you yourself who do not intend to change, change too. It's inevitable. People you thought you will love for the rest of your life, friends you thought will be your friends forever, things that you thought will remain still and situation you thought will always go according to the plan, change.

I ended up not loving him anymore.

I ended up breaking up with him.

I ended up regretting my decision to be in a relationship in such a young age.

We ended up breaking our promises.

I ended up making new friends.

I ended up not knowing how their days went everyday.

I ended up feeling awkward when they're around bcs we dont know what to talk about.

We ended up becoming strangers.

I ended up meeting new people.

I ended up falling for a new person.

I ended up smiling bcs of a new person.

But unfortunately we ended up not being together.

 

So the point of all of this is i give up. 

I give up trusting people. I give up believing in love.

I know time will heal. Time will always do. But still, I dont want to feel that deep disappointment again for the third time, not anymore.
I refuse to let my heart be broken by someone bcs you know, the pain is just... indescribable. The emptiness. The lost. Okay stop maybe I'm just exaggerating. It's not that deep though.

I still remember how we started talking though 

but i am letting you (re: the memories) go :)

i remember the day you told me you were leaving.

Otro amor vendrá, y será mejor.

Another love will come, and it will be better. 

210-7

"Will always love you more than yesterday" (:

Chances.

Heyy!!

Spent monday, tuesday, wednesday with richard, jesc and kim since they're back from sg, *well though we didn't talk much, cause idk why it seems awkward, but all of the food was amazing anyway hehehe*. Watched fnf6 again with them. Idk why but it isnt as amazing as the first time I saw it. But overall I still love Dom Mia Brian Giselle Letty and others lol

Spent today with alvina and angela. We just ate lunch and uhm took abundant pict and well nothing more.

2 weeks to leave! Kinda excited kinda afraid kinda kinda....

Because when I said I love you, I meant it.

I hope you meant yours too... (:

Oh happy days

And finally my summer holiday begins!!!!
Started today with wandering around and watching fast and furious 6. Seriously the movie is so amazingly excellent!! And and and idk what to say again... But anyway, 18 days more to leave this boring town, super excited hehehe.

Promises.

Because people who told me they wouldn't change, change and those who promised me would stay, eventually leave.

.......but then I realize that you're one in a million, you're different (:

So glad you came.

I should be in school now, but please just excuse my laziness to attend bio class. I am not doing anything important today, at home, well, actually I'm doing nothing, but it's faaaar better than sitting in the class quietly and day-dreaming. Maybe I'll do my 10-years-abandoned homework, if an angel suddenly get into my body -which is impossible-, or watch dvd, or stalk people, or just literally do nothing. I'm such a lazybones.

And anyway, I'm a lucky girl. Thank you (:

Hehehehe.

I want to blog. I want to write something. I want to blog. I want to write something.

Duh. Forget it. I really don't have anything to say. Well, emm, bye :p

Teehee.

Happy weekend guys~~~

Onehundredandtwo.

well, since i have nothing to talk about, then....

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
- yes (:

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
- yess

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
- when? duh. Don't know.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
- I'm not that friendly

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
- idk.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
- everydayyy

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
- pajama. ngahaha i know im lame.

8. How often do you listen to music?
- as often as i could.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
- jeans, i think.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?
- i dont think so.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
- antisocial, literally.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?
- maybe alvina or angela? when we're still kids? -...-

13. What about ‘R’?
- hah no.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?
- u mean?

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
- much.

16. Are you going out of town soon?
- nope.

17. When was the last time you cried?
- last friday night

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
- yes

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
- nope.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
- i am not a silly little girl anymore.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
- having a cold, don't know what to do, missing someone

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
- definitely.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
- you mean my dad? Lol.

24. What are you sitting on right now?
- laying on my bed

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
- nope.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
- yes.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
- mom, perhaps?

28. Do you get a lot of colds?
- thankfully, no.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
- i dont even want to know.

30. Does anyone hate you?
- idk.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
- no -___-

32. Do you like watching scary movies?
- big no.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
- no thanks.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
- 2008.

35. Did you have a dream last night?
- err yes, i think.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
- i dont even remember.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
- absolutely no.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
- idk.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
- idk.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
- yes.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
- nope.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
- yes.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
- yes.

44. What’s the best part about school?
- the amity.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
- yes.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
- yeap.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
- always before sleep.

48. Were you single over the last summer?
- yea.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
- unfortunately yes -...-

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
- nothing.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
- no.

52. Are you nice to everyone?
- err i hope so.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
- yes.

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
- well yes of course.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
- i think so.

56. Do you think you like someone?
- yea.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
- no.

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
- i am a girl. so girls.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
- i think yes.

60. Do you hate anyone?
- who the hell doesnt hate anyone?

61. How’s your heart?
- how how how lol

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
- yeah.

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
- so embarrassing, but yes.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
- haters, perhaps?

65. Are your toenails painted pink?
- nope.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
- no. and never.

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
- ngahahaha, yes (:

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
- no-....-

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
- janet. Bbm voice chat.

70. How do you look right now?
- so ugly.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
- yes (:

72. Can you commit to one person?
- yes.

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
- luckily, yes (:

74. Have you ever felt replaced?
- yea.

75. Did you wake up cranky?
- sometimes.

76. Are you a jealous person?
- yes.

77. Are relationships ever worth it?
- sadly my answer is no.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
- no.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
- err yes.

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
- eating.

81. Last person you cried in front of?
- myself.

82. Is there someone you will never forget?
- yes.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
- yes.

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
- chatting.

85. Are you over your past?
- yes(:

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
- no.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
- yes (:

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
- this is bad, but...yes.

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
- perhaps he's drunk. so no.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
- no.

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
- hahaha

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
- yes.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
- no

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
- no.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
- yes (:

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
- hahahaha much:p

97. Who do you have your last texts from?
- him

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
- happy for you both.

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
- grandma?

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
- bbm? Bro.

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
- aww that's romantic.

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
- yea, the entire zoo came though hehehe